Fly Away!

When I have anxiety like this, I've got to write. And I will tell you why this not-so-sudden fountain of nervousness and a hint of excitement has come about me. I am taking a HUGE vacation in two days. I leave Monday. I am flying, with my mother, to Paris. In Paris I will meet with my cousin, and stay for a week. Then we're off to Italy for 10 days. Staying near Rome, wondering if we're going to get a villa for that time with our other friends. My dad is flying down to stay with us in lovely Italy. We are then flying to Moscow and St. Petersberg. Personally not to excited about that, but who knows it might be the best part of the trip? Then we're flying to Khabarovsk, where I will meet my family who I haven't seen in almost 9 years. My boyfriend is joining us there as well. I'm anxious about the flight, the places, the LONG time away from my personal "reality", it feels like a lot of things piled on to each other. I keep thinking about how I label myself so much as "being scared of flying", and how it really just overwhelms me to even think about flying, and now that I know it's going to happen so soon for SO long, and so many times, you can see by this run-on sentence that I am ANXIOUS. Thankfully, for the last couple of days I have calmed down about this block I have in my mind against the trip, and I am just going to go and do it. I do love travelling and seeing new things and new people, but GETTING there, is just incredibly frustrating for me. I know all of the statistics, and they do help, and my mind isn't scared, but physically I tense up. Why is that? That is the hardest part about getting over a fear, is the pattern of it. That way you feel when you know your fear is coming, it sits in your stomach and your mind screams to run away from it. It's all mind over matter right? Then why can't I get over it?! Thinking about it now, my emotions can be so overwhelming sometimes that they get in the way of my daily life.
A couple weeks ago I found out that someone very dear to me has Hepatitis C. Even though I talked to my friend, and got that everything was going to be fine, I swear for two days the thought kept hitting a nerve. What can I say? I'm a sensitive person. I truly am. Secretly.