"Cheese Whiz is Gross"

An interview with Aylo Stirus by Lehcar Snikwah

Q: What inspires you?
A: Trip-hop music… I like to trip out the center of my mind without drugs. I like different things.

Q: Describe your first memory of being in America?
A: Well Lehcar, you already know my story about water fountains in the airport… My mom took me to Toys R Us, and I think I peed my pants when I saw the Barbie section. I was coming from a country where everything you buy is behind the cashier and you can’t touch anything.

Q: Favorite word?
A: Saucisson (French for sausage), or soliloquy.

Q: If you could meet anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would you choose?
A: Nina Simone. She’s a jazz singer with an interesting history and is powerful in every sense of the word.

Q: Favorite meal?
A: Spaghetti and ketchup… “ghetti sghetti.” And the Russian picnic, which includes one potato cooked over fire, a pickle, and pork. I also love tempura udon… I eat it every week.

Q: What’s the one thing you wish you could do?
A: Sing.

Q: Who is your favorite celebrity and why?
A: I don’t have one favorite… I take things from different people. I love watching Angelina Jolie’s lips talk. I think Johnny Depp is a true artist, because when I watch his interviews he doesn’t seem like he’s forcing himself into Hollywood.

Q: What is a book you could read over and over?
A: Running With Scissors and Welcome to the Monkey House.


Q: What do you feel was the most moving part of your Personal Jesus project?
A: I thought about it very deeply. I think it was perfectly executed in terms of light composition. The whole Christianity thing blew my mind because it’s real.

Q: When eating a pizza, do you start with the crust, or the tip of the slice?
A: The tip… who the hell eats a pizza from the crust down? I put the cheese part down… Us Russians like to get all the flavor.


Q: Is yoga spiritual for you?
A: Yeah, fo sho. Every time I do it I feel totally refreshed. It’s like Buddha just slapped yo ass. That’s what yoga is.

Q: If you were an animal, would you be a big or little one?
A: A little one. I definitely love cats. There’s a kitty in all of us.

Q: Do you think Russians are unfairly portrayed?
A: Russians are a lot more advanced economically, mentally, and technologically than here. The education system cannot compare. It’s better that you guys don’t know how smart we are.

Q: When you be singing yo raps… do you think about the racist undertones coming out of your mouth?
A: Yeah, I majorly do. Whenever I hear “that’s so gay,” I want to take a dump on that person’s face. Every time I say “that’s retarded,” I feel horrible.

Q: Would you ever be a man for a day?
A: Yes, I feel very connected to men in a very weird way. I feel like I walk and talk like them sometimes. But I’m also attracted to them in a very gross way.

Q: How do you do like you do?
A: I never eat beef, I always give into my cravings, I do butt squats before bed, and when I feel like shit, I strip in front of my mirror. And then it’s all good.

Q: What’s your biggest fear about aging?
A: Double chin!

Q: Do you prefer men with short hair or long hair? Facial hair?
A: Long hair thing is sexy, but I don’t care that much, and I love facial hair.

Q: How do you hope to die?
A: Instantly… I wouldn’t want to be sick for a year. Painless and happy.

Q: If you had an out of body experience, what would you want to happen?
A: I would have sex with myself. Explosion times two! And the fact that you can’t do that tells you there is no magic in the fucking world. Did you write that I don’t like cheese whiz? Grassy ass.