safe from harm, tonight

It's Christmas day, and so far it's been eventful. I fell asleep at 4 in the morning, which isn't an unusual circumstance; I usually begin to thrive at 12 am. I painted my mom a present [which I'll post up], I made my brother a CD, I re-read my old diaries, finished another Augusten Burroughs novel [sellevision]. My little brother slept under the tree because this year he was extremely determined to catch a glimpse of Santa, and I think it's ridiculous that my parents are still trying to convince him that Santa is real. It's heartbreaking! This morning I asked him if he in fact did see Santa, and he said no, but he did hear someone walking on the roof and in the chimney. Hmmm...
My mom gave me a meditation bowl and a Rumi calendar, as well as two tree ornaments, an owl and a horse. I was born in the year of the horse, and an owl because I'm basically nocturnal.
I think at night I get the most excited about creativity, because I'm alone, it becomes such a secretive and isolated process. I listen to oodles of trip hop and obscure art videos.

My mom suggested the other day that I move to St. Petersburg next year and study in Russia for a year. St. Petersburg is an amazing city, every street is full of it's own history. More important than all of the historic events that occurred there, it is a place that is FULL of art. Pushkin the poet was killed there in a duel; there are so many galleries, people with imagination...music with imagination....
I think it would be interesting to spend my first year of adulthood in another country.
But god I'm such a coward. And that fact prevents me from dreaming my dreams in other places other than America.
But I am sure that I don't want to live in this country for another decade, or raise my children here. Growing up in a household full of a different culture, in a country that lacks this factor, has made me crave Europe. Even Canada would do!

But before all of that happens, I have to graduate first. Possibly get a job. I'm getting overwhelmed thinking about all of the things that I need to do, applications to fill out, and scholarships to win. AH! But today is a holiday, so my procrastination is healthy at this point.